I always look at January 1st with a smidge of trepidation. All my self-imposed expectations for the upcoming year can be intimidating. Resolutions are made, I make promises to myself (that I inevitably end up breaking), and I SWEAR UP AND DOWN that "this year is gonna be MY year! Yeah!!" But something always seems to go haywire by ... oh... February 1st.
WHY DOESN'T IT WORK? BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO ADD THINGS TO THE UPCOMING YEAR WITHOUT LETTING ANYTHING GO.
The added weight in my proverbial backpack just doesn't weigh me down, it leaves little room for better things to be added. How can I walk graciously through the upcoming year if I'm weighed down by crap I don't need?
Here's a list of the things that I am eighty-sixing before January 1st arrives. Will you join me?
TALKING TO YOURSELF LIKE YOU'RE THE ENEMY.
"You're just not ______ enough."
"You'll never make it."
"No one will hire you."
"You can't do that."
I spent years not chasing my dreams. Almost five years ago, I was fired from my dream job. As a result, I spent a long time convinced that I wasn't capable of succeeding. It wasn't until I forced myself to get out of my own way that I was able to really utilize the power and strength within me to build a successful career.
If you are bold enough to dream it, you are most certainly bold enough to accomplish it. Stop trying to talk yourself out of things that you are meant to do.
- TALKING TO OTHERS LIKE THEY'RE THE ENEMY.
Look. We're all in this together. Need I say more?
Aggressive conversations, the kind that I jokingly call "my dick is bigger than yours," are not helpful! There's no purpose to pointing out others' mistakes, shortcomings, or failures. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. There's something really magical that happens when you consciously use your words for good instead of evil.
- DOING THINGS TO IMPRESS ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF.
Have a desperate desire to go to bed every night and be so amazed by what you've accomplished (or who you are becoming, or where you are headed) that you can't help but smile yourself to sleep. From now on, be the only person you're trying to impress.
- LYING TO YOURSELF AND TO OTHERS.
Honesty isn't always easy - in fact, it's downright gut-wrenching sometimes. But if you can be honest about where you stand in your life, you're guaranteed a smoother traveling path through this world.
This year alone, I've had to use these brutally honest sentences:
"I'm flattered, but I'm just not ready for a romantic relationship right now."
"I wasn't giving 100%, and I'm sorry."
"I can't afford to do that."
"I made a mistake, and I wanted to tell you right away."
- ANYTHING CO-DEPENDENT.
There's a difference between co-dependence and interdependence. When you receive your self-worth from other people or things (your spouse, your boss, the size of your bank account, your car), you are acting in a co-dependent way. Relying on something else to make you happy, or to fill a void in your own life is a swift path to misery - because those people or things aren't here in service of you, they are in service of themselves.
Instead, YOU be in service of yourself - become interdependent. Form partnerships and create allies with people or things. Define your self-worth by yourself, and then trust and invite others by giving them some power to live side-by-side with you. Yes, you may still be hurt by them, but you aren't relying on them to provide you with something you can't provide for yourself.
This is of course, just a short list - and I could list many, many more. What else would you like to let go of before the new year arrives?